Burning life's instruction book

Friday, February 28, 2003

I FINALLY have a copy of 'Resident Evil - The movie' ... i've waited so long. Now I cant wait for the DVD with extras.... aaaanyway, onwards with the Friday Five.

1. What is your favorite type of literature to read (magazine, newspaper, novels, nonfiction, poetry, etc.)?

I do love my magazines, I spend a lot of time with my nose in em. But mainly i like funny fiction or horror fiction.

2. What is your favorite novel?

The Lord of the Rings - The Fellowship of the Ring - J.R.R. Tolkien

3. Do you have a favorite poem? (Share it!)

I'm not gonna quote the whole of 'The Raven'...i'm sorry *L*

4. What is one thing you've always wanted to read, or wish you had more time to read?

Ummmm, i've read everything i've wanted to.

5. What are you currently reading?

Just finished 'The salmon of doubt'.. a tribute to Douglas Adams. I'm about to start "From a Buick 8" by Stephen King.... the master.

This Friday five brought to you by FridayFive.org

Thursday, February 27, 2003

I f**king hate my co-worker Andy. He is the most... most infuriating person on the face of this entire f**king planet. I mean there isnt room enough or time enough to explain this to you in full and proper detail but this guy is an asshole of gargantuan proportions. For a start, he's the size of a f**king boat, I kid ye not. He's a wannabe Hells Angel. Two things hold him back from this. One... he has no bike licence. Two... The Hells Angels think he's a total wannabe and hence... will not spit at him if he's on fire. How do I know this? my fellow co-worker and my very, very good friend Simon is HA... and I get all the insider info.

Let me set a picture.

Andy is a grabbing asshole. He's out for himself, only himself. He is the kind of person that... if he saw a dead homeless person on the sidewalk, instead of reporting it... he would raid the guys pockets for change, take his shoes, coat and hat... and then walk off. The cost of the phonecall to report it would be too much.

He's a pissface, and he screws everyone he's ever met. He has no friends, everyone hates him because they all know full well that he will only be nice to them for as long as he can get something from them. If you can do something for Andy... get him cheap smokes... drugs... burn him free cd's, download him free stuff on your computer, fix his car... anything so he doesnt have to pay for it, then he is your shadow. he is the best friend you will ever have.

The second you cant do anything for him anymore, you might as well be slug trail. He wouldnt even look at you.

He hates me. Why? because I cant do anything for him. He likes Cliff (the boss) because... Cliff gives him his job and Cliff is also a bit daft and doesnt notice when Andy takes money from the takings box. And if Cliff does notice... he's too much of a pacaifist to say anything about it, so Andy gets away with it.
He likes Simon... (fellow tattooist) because Simon is HA... Simon can get him 'in' with the Angels, so he thinks. So his tongue is up Simons asshole so far he can taste the toothpaste.
He likes my mum (Liz... our front desk woman at the studio)... because she's an ex nurse and can give him medical advice when he needs it and also do errands for him.

Me?... I dont do anything for him. Mainly because I hate him. But my hatred of him came when he decided to treat me like shit... because I couldnt do anything for him. That man... tried his utmost, and still does today, to lose me my job. To go as far as to tell my co-workers things that arent true.
They dont belive him though, cause everyone knows he's a pissface.

It's been a long running feud, we just about tolerate each other most of the time but every chance he has to stick the knife in to me, he takes it. Wanker.

Well, today he took a step too far. And my dear Simon layed into him quite brutally. Told him to lay off of me.. and then teased him, saying 'youre gonna cry, arent you... you big girl... youre gonna cry'.... eventually Andy stormed out.


See, I could say this stuff to Andy but.. we just get into blazing rows and Andy pays no attention. But he respects Simon... so when it comes from him... Andy gets very, very ashamed.

*Sigh* it was a beautiful thing to see... I wish all of life could be as sweet.

Tee hee hoddle ha

Wednesday, February 26, 2003

F**KING BASTARD BUGGARY HTML!!!!! Get me Bill Gates!!! get me someone so I can kick their F**KING HEADS IN!!!!

Tuesday, February 25, 2003

Bloody bastard html.

That is all
This should be amusing, I just added a comments feature to these posts of mine. Who knows, might be a giggle. If it bores me shitless i'll just remove it.

See this is what happens when I get bored, I start playing with silly little toys I dont understand, this html larky is just asking for a good bitch slapping it really is. But we've been at this rant already.

Fuck me sideways with a garden gnome I am sick to fucking death of hearing about Michael bastard Jackson. I mean who gives a donkeys ass? Its obvious to me now that it was one big publicity stunt, Michael's career has gone down the pan? hmmmm, how do we get him back in the spotlight? well, controversy and court cases always do that. and oh shock horror, his record sales have doubled!!

Fucking asshair. They all need spanking, the whole lot of them. No surgery... pfffffft.

One way ticket to hell please...

Sunday, February 23, 2003

Saturday, February 22, 2003

What a long, pigfuck of a day.
It is safe to say today has sucked the biggest, hariest kind of ass it is possible to get your mouth around and suck upon. Complete with sweat. It was just so long and tedious and full of the kind of dumbfuck ignoramis you'd hate to meet along in a dark alleyway.
I wasted a perfectly good... neigh, absolutely brilliant tattoo on this dumbass twat today. He and the group he was with (about seven gormless looking wankers) must have shared half a braincell between them. He and his ugly-ass girlfriend had their first tattoo's and the whole way through he's going "babe... babe.... babe... oi.... does it hurt? babe? babe! .... babe... oi babe... hey babe.... hows yours feeling?... babe? ow... babe? oi.... hurt? ... you okay?.... babe?..... babe, babe, oi! babe.... you listening? hey, babe... babe... oi babe... is it okay? babe.... mine hurts.... oi babe.... hey babe... oi you listening to me? babe?.... hey babe?... babe?... everything okay babe?...." and so on for an entire fucking hour.

Sweet crap... it hurt my brain, and I was angry at myself for doing such a good job. Because its wasted on the bender it really is. I began to tell him how to look after it and he just nods and goes "yeah cheers babe" and walks off.
I grab him again in the waiting room to try and tell him how to look after it, he just throws money at me and cuts me off mid speach and says "yeah babe, cheers"... and walks out the door.

Fucking wanker.

And you can bet your life he'll be back next fucking week when all the fucking color has dropped out of it cause he hasnt taken proper fucking care of it and it now looks like shit and he's walking about with a piece of MY work on it displaying it to his mates and it looks like FUCKING SHIT but its all his fault not mine cause he never listened to take care of it PROPERLY!!!! *pants...*


Then I had to sit until 7pm on a three hour piece of blackwork that just did my fucking head in, I tell you some days I rue the moment I decided to get out of fucking bed I really do, I mean is it worth this aggro?

I am Jacks overwhelming irritation
I'm such a twat. I reviewed the movie 'The Ring' yesterday but I didnt say that was the movie I was reviewing, I just... reviewed it. So, anyone that read it... it was about 'The Ring'... cool movie ;)

Todays nonsense brought to you by the letters D, U and H!
1. What is your most prized material possession?

Ummmm, my widescreen/flatscreen TV and my long leather jacket.

2. What item, that you currently own, have you had the longest?

Uuuh, probably my computer, its been with me forever.

3. Are you a packrat?

A what?

4. Do you prefer a spic-and-span clean house? Or is some clutter necessary to avoid the appearance of a museum?

A nice amount of clutter, but I do like to have everything in its place... so, tidy clutter (WTF?)

5. Do the rooms in your house have a theme? Or is it a mixture of knick-knacks here and there?

The living room is a movie theatre. Theres a wall filled with my video collection (800+) and a bookcase filled with DVDs and books. The TV... and a large couch for watching movies on.
Everything else.... nahhh, kinda... wiccan esque I guess.

These questions brought to you by FridayFive.org
THE RING ~ A review

On a scary scale 1 - 10... i'd rank it a 2. On a cool scale... i'd rank it a 9... very cool movie, but just... not scary as far as i'm concearned. But then i'm hard to scare.

A bit of space before my cool moments, so as not to spoil.






Coolest moment goes to the turnaround ending when you think its all over, and then the dead girl switches on the TV again, crawls out of the well on screen.... gets closer and closer to the screen while the guy is watching... and then crawls OUT of the television and stalks toward him. VERY cool effect, in fact, possibly going down in my 'all time best movie moments' top 10.

Most disturbing moment goes to the ferry scene... and i'm a huge horse lover. The horse freaks out when she touches it in its trailer, goes beserk, kicks the door down, charges at her... she ducks, and the horse jumps over the side of the ferry, smacks into the ship on its way down and splashes into the water where it begins to thrash and squeal until its hacked up by the propellor blades. I hated that... and it was SO realistic if I didnt know better i'd say they'd actually done it to a real live horse. Freaky.

Lamest moment.... wasnt really one.... only thing I found a touch cliche were the kids drawings, seen it all before.

All in all, excellent movie. The rest of the viewers were jumping out of their seats and some people actually screamed, believe it or not.... I wasnt remotely freaked out, but i was very entertained.

See it.

Thursday, February 20, 2003

Do you ever get those days where you just feel kinda... blah.
Well i've been having one of those weeks. Cant seem to get any strength up, or any real enthusiasm for anything which is really scary considering... I can usually swear like a trooper and yet today, the best I could come up with as a retort at work was "You... stupid... person."

How pathetic.

I just couldnt be bothered to come up with anything more, and then i fell asleep in one of the chairs which most likely put the fear of god into my customer when he came in to find me napping. Yawning all the way through his tat.
Perhaps i'm coming down with something. I wonder if theres the 'yawn till your jaw aches and nap randomly syndrome'?

If there is, put me down on the sufferers list, I need meds.


Tuesday, February 18, 2003

Hmmm, how bored am I? I just added a shitload of links. Peruse at your pleasure I guess.

This is getting silly, my life is becoming mundane to the point that i'm actually running out of things to bitch about that I havent already bitched about, its kinda sad when that happens. I might actually have to start being nice about stuff which.... I shudder at the thought.

Still, Michael Jackson... he could use a good kicking eh...

Ho hum

Monday, February 17, 2003

Okay, i'm happy now. Thought i'd lost them, as it turns out my entire archiving system seems to be up shit creek but as I went to try and sort it out I was just overwhelmed with apathy and decided not to waste my time. I'm just so challenged when it comes to anything remotely technical.

Odd really, seeing as how I spend so much time on this damned computer.

Todays nonsense is bought to you by the letters S, H, I and T
Hmmmmm, i've been having problems with my archives and this is annoying me, i've lost a bunch of rants and stuff so, for my own reason, i'm just gonna re-post them here for now, just so I know theyre there. And any of you that havent seen em, can see em :)

[3/19/2002 1:40:34 AM | Jenna L]
Perusing my Sunday newspaper, I was intrigued to come across a feature entitled "My Favourite Places", which this week was given over to some wench that is apparently a singer called Suzanne Vega (sounds familiar, cant place her which either means she's completely shite or hasnt made a record in forever....or something else). She listed as her favourite places East Harlem and Liverpool which, with their grey, bleak, post-industrial environments, "are not beautiful in the conventional sense but have a certain rough charm about them".

Well shove a clarinet up my ass, "a certain rough charm"? It makes you wonder why every f***er from East Harlem or Liverpool has f***ed off from the place the moment they had enough cash for a one-way ticket! And where does Suzanne live? California! Poor little f***er, stranded in Beverly Hills, staring down along Sunset Boulevard, wishing she was in f***ing Liverpool! You like Liverpool? Go f***ing live there, you mousey, patronising, whimsical, airheaded, overpaid, undertalented, perversely sadistic tourist in other people's f***ing misery! Count the number of seconds till the "rough charm" of f***ing Toxteth wears off.

Then I turn to the next page and what do I see? Lorraine Kelley. Now this is some stupid old tart from nowhere that got a shit job on a shittier TV show and now she thinks shes some kind of authority on...well...just about f***ing everything. I hate this woman.
This week she has an opinion about my personal favorite actress Angelina Jolie and her having adopted a foreign baby with husband Billy Bob. According to high and mighty Lorraine, they shouldnt be adopting foreign babies, they should be doing something worthwhile like donating money to nurseries and schooling.
Well, you stupid f**kwit, you could try checking out your facts before you write toss in a newspaper. Angelina and Billy Bob found said child while helping frikin well build a frikin nursery with their money. So get the feck off of your high horse Lorraine, and maybe use some of YOUR bloody money to help someone out...stop spending it all of dresses that make you look like a f***in pudding. You complain about disliking the photos of Angelina and baby?! Well I most definately dislike you appearing in f***ing photos! I put that f***ing page in last week's paper in the bottom of my budgie's cage and now it's so f***ing traumatised, its feathers have fallen out and it keeps hopping from perch to perch squawking "F***ing hell! F***ing hell!" in a markedly stressful manner! You're as ugly as both ends of a two-arsed sausage dog!

Leave my Angie alone!!

Can you tell nothings actually happening in *my* life right now?!

[3/5/2002 10:22:18 PM | Jenna L]
You know what pisses me off?
Actors in run of the mill TV shows that believe theyre the next Al Pacino.
A small gripe I know but I am just beginning to reach the end of my teather with one show that I used to quite enjoy. See theres this Brit show down here, pretty much a cult soap that I watch from time to time and rather like. But right now it is being spoiled by one actor plays a character called Mark Fowler. A more miserable bastard cannot be found on TV. All week this week Marks been talking in this soft voice using an acting style so reminiscent of George the hippo, somebody should really tell him: "Its not King Lear, so just say your lines and F*** off!"
Alas though he is such an integral part of the story right now it appears we are doomed to suffer his mumbling self-indulgence for all eternity.
Ah well, a minor inconvenience to my TV viewing pleasure.
As far as life goes today I had the misfortune of bumping into an old school friend whom I had prayed to high heaven that I would never see again. There she stood beside me in Woolworths in all her slut-bag-ho'ishness, behaving exactly as she did all those years ago with her breasts exposed to all the world and a giggle that reminded me somewhat of a drowning pig.
See when I use the term 'friend' i'm using it so losely.....I only ever spent time with this girl when I was forced to, and then I usually vomited.
Today she wanted us to be like old pals, and desperatley wanted me to go for a drink with her.
When I told her I dont drink anymore she sort of pouted and looked all sorry for me then said: "Awww, shame" in her most glass scratchingly annoying voice.
I had to bite my tongue from telling her in the get up she was in, she looked like a heroin addict of some years. Honestly, Victorian women have emerged from wooden bathing caravans looking more up for it then her.
She told me to keep in touch.

Grand delusion of the week goes to my ex boss who complained to me that his staff hated him because he dropped the letter H when he spoke.
Wrong, they hate him because he's a pile of shit.

There, think thats all for today.
I do feel better.

Sunday, February 16, 2003

In the immortal words of Withnail in one of my fave movies 'Withnail and I'....

I think I ought to go outside, I feel unusual.

Dont know whats the matter with me, ive felt strange since last night and I have no idea why. Unsettled perhaps. its really beginning to piss me fucking off.

Belated Friday five:

1. Explain why you started to journal/blog.

I was bored, very bored and I had stumbled accross a few by mistake, and it just seemed like something to do.

2. Do people you interact with day to day or family members know about your journal/blog? Why or why not?

Those friends and family that are regular net users know about it, dont know if they read it, I know some do. Those that arent net users... dont.

3. Do you have a theme for your journal/blog?

What, aside from ranting? probably not.... speaking your mind perhaps.

4. What direction would you like to have your journal/blog go in over the next year?

Hmmmmm, pass.

5. Pimp five of your favorite journals/blogs.

Oooooh, my absolute fave is Goldfish, Speaking ... she just cracks me up.

Then an old friends journal: Lorina.net

New kid on the block Ashley.

This girl I recently discovered and she's really funny... Miggie. in fact, I have to add her to my links list.

And another new kid on the block, MT_Hed... another to add to my list.

Todays Sunday Friday five brought to you by the website FridayFive.org

Friday, February 14, 2003

On another note, i've just added a new link to my list. The diary of a gal called Ashley who has just starte dup a rather amusing blog... check it out. :)

Your friendly neighbourhood linker
Okay, allow me to get all serious for a second.

*glares at those that are snickering*

Oh fuck you... just, let me be serious okay :-P

Serious issue. My opinion on uber slut Christina Aguilera has changed dramatically as of today. I heard this song on MTV and it blew me away. As someone that knows all about this kind of thing... having been there meself (could it be why i'm such a bitch these days? who knows *L*) ... it was kinda weird hearing it sung about. But, its so beautifully done, and I didnt know she had it in her. So, Christina... I salute you girl, youre okay by me.

Christina Aguilera - I'm OK

Once upon a time there was a girl
In her early years she had to learn
How to grow up living in a war that she called home
Never know just where to turn for shelter from the storm
Hurt me to see the pain across my mother’s face
Everytime my father’s fist would put her in her place
Hearing all the yelling I would cry up in my room
Hoping it would be over soon

Bruises fade father, but the pain remains the same
And I still remember how you kept me so afraid
Strength is my mother for all the love she gave
Every morning that I wake I look back to yesterday
And I’m OK

I often wonder why I carry all this guilt
When it’s you that helped me put up all these walls I’ve built
Shadows stir at night through a crack in the door
The echo of a broken child screaming “please no more”
Daddy, don’t you understand the damage you have done
To you it’s just a memory, but for me it still lives on

Bruises fade father, but the pain remains the same
And I still remember how you kept me so, so afraid
Strength is my mother for all the love she gave
Every morning that I wake I look back to yesterday

It’s not so easy to forget
All the lines you left along her neck
When I was thrown against cold stairs
And every day I’m afraid to come home
In fear of what I might see there

Bruises fade father but the pain remains the same
And I still remember how you kept me so afraid
Strength is my mother for all the love she gave
Every morning that I wake I look back to yesterday
And I’m OK
I’m OK

Thursday, February 13, 2003

As it turns out, i fucking suck at html and so the nice new layout I was attempting is in fact no more. Big fucking shock eh... ah well. Best laid plans and all that.

Which reminds me, best laid plans of mice?... which fucking plans were they then?

Was there once some kind of cheese smuggling crime ring that got covered up by the suits or what?

Random thought of the day bought to you by the letter F and his friends UC & K

Wednesday, February 12, 2003

Hmmm, testing *stares at new layout*

Tuesday, February 11, 2003

Some random rambling...

I have such a headache its not funny. I really think I need an entire body transplant. There's not one single part of me left that works properly ... waah wahh wahh whinge whinge right?

Bollocks. Breaking my own rules again.

Its been one year exactly since I gave up smoking! yey me!

Work tomorrow. Wonder what kind of stupid asshair i'll get in my chair? Oh no... wait... joy of joys, the big smelly greek man is booked in tomorrow. Behold my excitement. God he stinks. There are skunks out there that would pay good money to smell like he does. I dont think he's ever heard of the word 'bath'...
When I gave him his tattoo aftercare last time I told him not to soak his tat in the bath.
he looked at me like i'd just shot baked beans out of my nostrils into his eyes.

I then told him to get a mild, non scented soap, i thought he was going to have a breakdown.

Why do I do this job?

Because it makes people bleed... thats why.

Satisfied smile
At the moment i'm...

Wearing -- Black combats, 'Yuck Fou' top
Listening To -- 'Ich Will' - Rammstein
Doing -- updating this
Last Ate -- Bacon pasta
Last Drank -- Pepsi
Learning -- Sumi shading (Tattoo style)
Be Glad When -- I get my mothers birthday prezzie sorted
Last Cinema Movie -- 8 Mile
Last Home Movie Watched -- American Psycho
Last Satellite Movie Watched -- Zoolander
Last TV Show Watched -- Charmed
Last Game Played -- Pinball on PC
Lusting -- Vin Diesel... as usual
Thinking About -- This headache
Wishing -- I didnt have a headache
Last Wrote -- Some RPG
Last Bought -- Some wrapping paper
Repetitive song in my head -- "Rock the boat" by Aaliyah
Repetitive quote in my head -- "As my lawyer I think you ought to know, i've killed a lot of people!" - Pat Bateman, American Psycho
Holy lack of updates batman!!

Michael Jackson. Theres a wonky old fucker if ever I saw one. No surgery? Pfffffft, bollocks. No surgery my ass. I know he lives in a dream fantasy land where boys are real boys and captain hook would make a good date but come the fuck on... no surgery?

I'm sorry but, nature just isnt that cruel. Man, you are the kind of ugly people pay for. And so white! whiter than a white cat in a snow drift on the planet 'im-so-white-i-couldnt-be-whiter,-dayum!'... white peopel arent that white! and people with that disease he claims to have, do not get patches that WHITE.
I'm white... i'm not that fucking white, and I dont do sunshine, ever. I'm pasty. I'm probably as pale as a human being can get.
And i'm not a patch on him.

Wonky old fucker.

Likes to sleep with kids?

Well *scratches fake plastic beard thats pinching her nose*

Y'know, i dont buy the whole 'hes a paedophile' thing. I dont. I think hes too fucking stupid. I dont think he knows what his penis is for. I think he probably doesnt know its for anything more than pissing out of, personally. I mean he hasnt grown up in any other sense. Why would he grow up there?

What really gets me is this.

All this uproad about him being a paedophile, well, excuse me, but where is he getting these kids FROM?!
Whos parents let their kids go off with an unknown rich weirdo in a castle for the night?!! even if he is a child molster... WTF?! the parents should be frikin well strung up!

Anyway, this entirely too much like me actually taking an interest in news stories. Like this whole fucking war deal.

Oh give me a tossing break you bunch of loons. Leave each other the fuck alone. This is pathetic. Give me five minutes alone in a room with Bush, Blair, Hussein and Bin Laden... i'll sort em the fuck out. Theyll be crying like bitches by the time i'm done.

As for asylum seekers coming into england, only to turn on us? well fuck you and all. Here's what should be done, they should be just that... thrown in an asylum with no food, just straight jackets. If they have initiative enough to chew through the straight jackets to keep themselves nourished and eventually escape, then they get a ticket back to their own country because obviously theyre intelligent enough to live in it and survive. If they dont... well theyre dead. End of fucking problem.
Religious intolerance?
Fuck it. In the uk right now the dominant religion (and im not a religious person in any way but this has my hackles up) christianity is now being taken off the streets, in case it offends muslims or what have you. EXCUSE ME?! this is ENGLAND!! and theyre allowed to have marches through london in honour of Bin Landen and blowing england up... and we're not allowed christmas decorations in the streets?


I'm not allowed to fly my own countries flag, but theyre allowed to fly theirs?!?!

Well fuck me with a small garden gnome... i'm at a loss.

Here's the answer though. If they protest about their god so much... let em into the country, get a wall, nail em all to the fucking wall with a great big staple gun. And just say 'there... let him sort that lot out if hes so fucking superior... you twat.'


Okay so, im not against any religion... i dont care what people do in their spare time, you could worship dung beetles for all i care. So just carry on. What i do care about is freedom in my own country being taken away by people from another one. Its pathetic. And england is as much to blame as the people coming into it causing the problems.

World needs an enema, flush out all the shit.

You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake!
This things really beginning to get on my pissing nerves. Y'know why I havent updated in so long, or at least, do so very very little?

because this thing has become hellish to use. Grrrrrrrrrr. Keeps giving me error messages and yotz with my template files when I know theyre all fine its just blogger having a mare cause they cant keep up. *smacks it*

Aaaaaanyway. I'll keep on keeping on. Gotta get there some time right?

I hate technology.

To make a mistake is human, to really fuck things up you need a computer. between me and this we could really fuck up the entire world.

Saturday, February 08, 2003


That is all.

I am Jacks utter lack of anything to say