Burning life's instruction book

Thursday, July 18, 2002

Dieting.

Been considering it. Chewing it over and over and pondering over whether or not I think I need to. So i'm not skinny....kinda like to be you can wear fun clothes. But i'm not fat..far from it. I'm just, well built.
I am happy with the way I look, I kinda like being me. But I still have that desire to be able to wear a dress like Milla Jovovich does in my current favorite movie 'Resident Evil' or fit into the skimpy leather pants Michelle Rodriguez does in the same movie.

But....with all that good intention behind it I just get to thinking.
Dieting is a tool used by the goverment to make women feel bad about themselves and thus get them to pour millions into dieting products and systems and hence throwing money into pockets of corporate bastards.
How very political. But...I believe it to be true.
In a perfect world everyone would just look at themselves and go 'so I have a bit of a lose edge on the thigh. Big frelling deal i've got better things to do than work it off'...and everyone would be body happy.

I tried dieting once. I did.
It lasted about thirty minutes before I got annoyed and said; "F**k this for a laugh pass me that cake."

So I want to lose a little weight. I guess I could.
I could hardly excercise more than I do what with my Tai Chi and Boxing and Kickboxing every week. But maybe I could eat less.
But I cant help feeling like 'why should I?'
I like food. I like donuts and cake and bacon and pizza and fizzy drinks and chocolate, dammit. I will have it because I want it because it tastes nice and f**k it its better than stomach cramps from hunger pains when all youve had to eat all day is a grape with the f**king skin off just in case theres an extra 0.1 of a calorie in said skin, and then going and ramming your fingers down your throat to rid yourself of the grape because you feel so bad.
I'm sorry if i'm not fashionable or whatever but FUCK-THAT!

I want a f**king donut and dont get in my way. Bollocks to dieting.

Twiglets and chocolate and meat oh my!....

Wednesday, July 03, 2002

Or hamsters. Or they could be plotting together.
Earlier I watched three pigeons do a 'riverdance' esque skit upon the top of a roof accross the road, perfectly timed movements and as they did it, two cars smashed into each other as if on cue. And the pigeons stopped their dance, and watched.
They were gloating.

Or maybe i've had one too many coffee's today....
I fear the universe is secretly run by pigeons.

More news later...

Monday, July 01, 2002

I'm losing my mind in the most literal sense. It's actually quite worrying because my tolerance for people has just plummeted. I mean I know I've always said in the past that I just cant stand the mass f**king gross stupidity displayed by almost the entire population around me on a daily basis, but i've always said it with my tongue in my cheek cause y'know....the MiB saying of "A person is smart, People are stupid" has kinda been a mantra.
But just recently, i'm losing it.
I've gone from infinite f**king patience to absolutely none. All trace of the faux politness I used to posess...its f**ked right off.
I'm having to caution myself now, keep my tongue in cheek.

It's working with people y'know, thats what it is. Day in day out dealing with some of the dumbest motherf**kers this side of anywhere.

"I want a tattoo."
"What do you want?"
"I dont know but can it glow in the dark?"
"............"

"Ohhhh, is that buzzy thing the tattoo machine?"
"No its a chicken."

"But why doesnt it stand out?"
"Why doesnt what stand out?"
"The tattoo?"
"Because its inked into your skin."
"Yeah but I thought it would kinda come out and look three dimensional."
"You wanted something to stick out of your skin?"
"Well..yeah thats the whole point aint it?"

"So what do you put on it?"
"Lasonil."
"Whats that?"
"Pile cream, but it'll heal your tattoo a treat."
"Oh right, but what do I put on the tattoo?"


"So what do you put on it?"
"Lasonil."
"Whats that?"
"Pile cream, but it'll heal your tattoo a treat."
"I dont have Piles though so will it still work?"


"So what do you put on it?"
"Lasonil."
"Whats that?"
"Pile cream, but it'll heal your tattoo a treat."
"What are Piles?"


"Is that it, wow that was so simple and didnt hurt a bit my friends such a liar!"
"No, that was just the stencil."
"Whats a stencil?"
"........"

All of the above are actual conversations and theyre just the tip of the ice berg I mean you should hear some of the crap we get in phone calls. Difference is I've gone from being smiley and patient with these people, to just snappish.
Its not really nice, but i'm beginning to wonder how it is these people live from day to day being that f**king stupid.

I wonder if they have manuals. And if they do, why didnt I get one?

Ground control to Major Tom.....